I live in the Kinki Region (It's true!)

Didn't go to the Hallowe'en party, but did go to Kyoto this weekend. Together, Veronica and I saw the glorious GOLDEN TEMPLE, also known as Kinkakuji temple, also known as The Most Touristy Temple In Kyoto. And there's a good reason for that, which is: it's really beautiful.

The Golden Temple (Kinkakuji)
It's covered with gold paint or gold leaf and it really looks amazing, sitting out on stilts that support it right over a pond. The landscaping of the garden was really beautiful too, and we got to walk through on a mini tour along the nicely guided path (there are low wooden fences to guide us). The forest was a very strange sort of man-made wildness that was eery in it's controlled, measured randomness. A contradiction, but we both wanted to step over the little barrier and explore. Except that it was raining. It started raining almost as soon as we got to the temple, after a confusing bus ride and much map-consulting at Kyoto train station. I must tell you about Kyoto train station some time. So our tour was rained upon, as were our noggins. Veronica had her waterproof gore-tex space-age coat on, because she's into space-age materials, and I had my recycled plastic pop bottle fleece coat, which is not waterproof. I hooded it over my head like a babushka and took pictures trying to keep my camera dry. I have yet to see how they turned out. Actually I got a preview on the little screen and they look pretty good.

All in all it was a nice experience, despite much complaining about rain. Then we went to see Resident Evil 2, called Biohazard 2 in Japan. It was scary as all get out and I cringed like a little girl and jumped out of my seat when the zombies attacked. The first one was much better though. However, the second one is filmed entirely in Toronto so it was interesting to see the streets of the city that I know and love. But they kept calling the Don Valley "Raven's Gate Valley" and some school, maybe Loretto Abbey in the Annex, was called "Raven's Gate School" which it so obviously wasn't. And then I was sad it was filmed in Toronto. It was so-so. So this critic says: "go see it when it comes out in the repertory theatres, or rent the video".

And now I'm drinking a can of Kirin Beer and eating a bento which has nasty fish tempura but good other stuff. I shall soon watch one of three movies that I rented. That's kind of pathetic, I know.

The Freakshow Runs Every Day

Indeed there's a Hallowe'en party tonight, but I am not in attendance as I don't FEEL LIKE IT. School is difficult these days as my fellow foreigner, Nick, is a raging bull and I have to placate his bullheadedness. He's a Detroit scuzzy mean-talking, bad-rap-loving, mean-to-his-japanese girlfriend, resentful kind of guy. But he's usually ok and he's funny. It's just that two days ago he said, out of the blue and very matter-of-factly, "Pluto is not a planet". Actually I don't think it was entirely out of the blue. I believe the subject of planets had come up. But naturally I was surprised by this claim and I said, with joking fervour "yes it IS!". Good-naturedly. And he's a big joker and he calls his friend Goi sensei a "fuck" just for laughs (this is their humour), so I didn't think this would be taken amiss. But apparently it was, and it continued to be for about 15 minutes of clueless joshing by me, as Nick ever more stubbornly, and without evidence or support, insisted that it was not a planet. We looked it up on the internet and found several websites like "ashleylavigne.com" or something and "kidscience.com" saying it wasn't a planet, but a NASA site saying it was a planet. Then Nick declared that clearly popular opinion meant that it wasn't a planet. Then we talked about whether random websites or NASA are more trustworthy on matters of planetary debate. Apparently if enough people say it's not a planet, it doesn't matter what the scientists say, it's simply not a planet. I was laughing, but then I realized he was pissed off.

The next day the first thing he said to me in the morning was not "good morning!" or "how are you?" it was "Pluto is not a planet,". He became belligerent and said that I was not allowed to ever mention it a again to him. Then he sulked for the rest of the day until I asked what was wrong. He was very angry at me because I had been disrespectful to him. "And," he said "you have to give me more respect, because you depend on me, and I don't depend on you. I speak Japanese, and I don't see you speaking Japanese. So I was thinking 'why would he disrespect me?'. It doesn't make sense. You have to show me more respect than I need to show you, because I don't get anything from you, but you get a lot from me."

I was stunned. I mentioned that I was stunned. I also said he was very bold, and I explained that although I don't speak Japanese, I don't think of human relationships in the same way that he does, and I consider the two of us to be equals. I told him that the day before was mainly a misunderstanding, and that it shouldn't ruin our relationship, which I thought had been pretty good. I attempted to placate him, basically. I had even apologized for being rude even before we got started, but he said "people say 'sorry' a lot, but it doesn't mean anything". I don't even think I was particularly out of line. I was just taking liberties that he had taken with me in the past.

Anyway, the next day he was absent from school due to "illness". I wonder if it was caused by a desire to avoid me. Or maybe he was avoiding cleaning the school bathroom, which is something every teacher has a turn at (crazy, ain't it?) and which he has been avoiding assiduously. Or maybe he was avoiding me and the dirty bathroom. But he came to school today, and didn't say good morning when he came to his desk (right in front of mine). Knowing that I'll be sitting opposite him for another 8 months I tried placating him, and even bought him a dessert bean bun, I forget the name of it, ends in KA and sounds like a place in Japan. And although he refused it, as I suspected he might, he finally seemed to accept that I'm not his enemy and maybe even could be his friend, at least while we're at work. Because frankly I don't like him enough to want to be his friend outside of work.

So I wasn't feeling very sociable at the end of the day and decided not to go to the big JET Hallowe'en party in Omihachiman. I only sort of wanted to go and the idea of having to avoid Nick there was not appealing. Not that that was the deciding factor. Mainly I just don't have the energy for a social occasion tonight. Instead I'll have a good time this weekend in Kyoto at this crazy golden temple that looks like its on stilts in a pond. I'll file a report on it. I asked Veronica, my fellow Kyoto-traveller, to invite Mike, Shannon, Warren and Steffi on the trip. I know it was a disappointment for Veronica that I wasn't coming to the Hallowe'en party. She wanted me to see her costume and I wanted to see her costume - she's a cat and she sewed it herself! And it would have been cool to dress up - I was going to be a green leaf man. But I hope she understands.

Veronica in Ishiyama

This weekend we were supposed to go to Kyoto and watch foreign movies at the Goethe Institut. Instead we woke up late Saturday morning and missed our chance, so we stayed in and ate breakfast at a very leisurely pace and just spent some quality time together. Yesterday we explored the rice field in her backyard and did some nature-watching. There's a little stream that runs between the fields, and we tromped along beside it and looked for frogs. We didn't find any, but there were many crickets that would hop away as our feet brushed the grass, and we saw some red dragonflies and several butterflies. She said that dragonflies are a sign of a healthy ecosystem. I was worried that the clear water of the stream meant that it was acidic so that no algae would grow. The dragonflies meant there were mosquitos, which are their food, just as we were the mosquitos food. I guess this means the dragonfly is very high up on the food chain. At one point we sat by the river and watched a butterfly fanning it's wings, with a motion that made me think of mechanical things. Was it drying its wings? It would flit from one flower to another, then perch and flutter in jerky movements. Then it flew toward us and we were rewarded in our nature watching by a close-up view as it perched on a blossom very near us.

The sun was warm this weekend and I remarked that this would be great if it were the regular winter weather. I hope the winter goes by quickly, and is warm. They say the ocean water around Japan is unusually warm this year, and that's why there have been so many typhoons. So perhaps the warm water will make for a warm winter.

The Tani, The Guchi, The Taniguchi

Curious boops and clicks serenade me.

By way of explanation, Taniguchi sensei is my tantosha, aka supervisor or the teacher who is directly responsible for me at my school. Nick sensei and I concur: she is not a pleasant individual.

Today was a mixture of triumphs and defeats with the beast that is Taniguchi. It began when I entered the classroom to "team-teach" with her. This name is an irony which will soon be appreciated. I walked in and saw her standing at the desk, looking at a textbook. There were four girls in the class. I said "Hi!" to her with some enthusiasm. No response. With less enthusiasm, I said "hi" again. She didn't even look up. I was standing right next to her. So, feeling like I shouldn't be there, like I've come in at some crucial moment in the covent's meeting, I ask her quite honestly "Do you want me to leave?".
She looks at me for a moment. "No. It's ok." Nose returns to book.
The class was off to a good start. Before each class begins the two teachers greet the students with a formula:
Japanese Teacher: "Good morning class."
Class: "Good morning ___."
Anthony: "Good morning class."
Class: "Good morning Nick, garble garble uh Anthony"
JT: "How are you?"
Class: "I'm-fine-thanks-and-you?"
JT: "I'm fine. How are you Mr. Anthony?"
Anthony: "I'm a-ok, thanks." or "I'm superb." etc.
With the Taniguchi, this formula is corrupted to the point that I am not addressed by the class. After she greets the class and asks how they are and they have a nice little chat, maybe some tea and crumpets, then, oh yeah, you can say hello Anthony. So today I asked her "Today is it okay if I say good morning class right after you?".
She grimaced and mumbled "anything is ok". Which is not strictly true, as yesterday when I corrected her ("What do you mean vegetable? What do you mean fire truck?") mode of questioning, she gave me a serious talking to after class. I must not interrupt the flow of the class. Even if that flow is a brown river of poop, apparently.
I am a human tape-recorder. I am told when to speak. Generally I read sentences from the "tekistbook" or off giant flash cards. I am not allowed to hold these flashcards. Other teachers let me hold the flashcards godammit! I want that! She speaks in Japanese to the class pretty much all the time. Then there is a pause. People look expectantly at me. OH! I'm supposed to read something now. It would be nice if she told me when to speak or what to read, instead of making me look like a foreign devil in front of the class.
But the triumph came today after lunch. I was in class again with the Taniguchi, and I had had a particularly filling lunch. She asked me to read a passage. The class grew quiet, and at that moment a long, low burp escaped me, relatively quietly, but not unlike the call of a distant bullfrog. Burping in Japan is like farting in North America. I wasn't sure who heard it, and I started to giggle. Then I started reading, but as I read I just started laughing. Soon the whole class was laughing, and even the Taniguchi. I still don't know who heard it.

In words, music, a temple

I've been downloading a bunch of songs by a band called Giant Sand lately, which I read about on the Strange Fruit music review website. I'm listening to their track called "drab" right now. It's an eclectic smattering of piano and triangle. Oh my. A person just spoke "and upon the union they lay their cloth..." in a James Dean voice. So I'm not sure if I agree with Strange Fruit's glowing review, but I sure liked reading it.

Today Nick was talking about the face he makes during sex. He speaks very openly in the teachers room, as it is his belief that the teachers have no idea what he's saying. I think he's in for a surprise. He said he looked up into the mirror at a "Love Hotel" during sex and saw for a moment his own expression before he had a chance to realize what he was seeing and adjust. Quickly he returned his gaze to his girlfriend because it was too embarrassing. Then he tried to recreate the expression for me, but he was laughing and it wasn't quite right. So I suggested he get serious and then try again. He actually started making the motions of sex with his chair, which I thought was hilarious, especially since he seemed unaware that he was performing in front of the five or so teachers that were still in the room with us. He confuses communication with speech. I pointed out the spectacle he was making of himself and he stopped. The great thing is, even though the other teachers know what Nick's doing, and understand so much of his put-on pissed-off commentary, they just don't react because it's the crazy gaijin (foreigner) and he's outside the rules.

I'm experimenting with being inside and outside the rules. I take off for the convenience store when I have a spare period without asking if I can leave, although strictly that's against the rules. However it's common practice to come and go among the JETs, and I make sure I get my work done. I'm also trying to make friends with the other teachers and students. I help clean the school during the daily cleaning sessions in which the students are all out en force, strange prog-rock music playing over the P.A. I've got to make a compilation of The Cleaning Music of Nish Chu. Cleaning with the students has led to a lot of positive feedback. Students often say "Anthony sensei. You are cool," when they see me cleaning. Teachers say "subarashi!" (Wow!) when I fulfill my cleaning duties. At first the idea of having to clean bothered me, and I shirked even after the vice principal told me I had to. But now I don't mind at all. It's very casual and it gives me a chance to get up, move around and interact with the students informally. So this is part of the compromise that I'm creating between being "good" and doing things differently.

This weekend I went to Kyoto with Veronica and bought a book at Maruzen, the bookstore famous for its foreign selection. It's a book of American History, inspired by the man himself. I think it's important to have a grounding in history to understand our time, and I really don't know the details of US history. We also looked at a temple in Kyoto, and got to go inside. It was amazing being inside this huge room with tatami mats and sliding rice paper doors for walls, in the center of downtown Kyoto. Outside we could here the traffic passing, but inside it was calm and peaceful, meditative. A japanese man was praying at the altar, and another foreign girl had come in with us and sat on the other side of the room. I sat facing Veronica, rather than the front of the temple, because I like to experience the temple my own way rather than according to the script. Buildings control behaviour in their layout, in their history, to the point that action is scripted. Stepping outside that script lets me see the building.

Now I'm listening to a 1 hour 14 minute set of club music dj'ed by Bjork, and featuring the music of Llorca, Tosca, Bjork herself, and some other people I don't know. It's really good, and I like the idea of Bjork up there mixing it. What is it about aging female pop musicians that makes me sad? Bjork and Madonna, both with children, attention divided between music and family. But it's sweet and I wouldn't wish it otherwise. And I like Bjork's lyrics, especially off Homogenic and the one about going up onto a mountain top with a radio. Something about the Nordic writer really appeals to me. Read Knut Hamsun, he's brilliant, simple. The Hemingway or maybe Kerouac of Northern Europe (Norway I think?). I also have a book of poetry by a Norwegian whose name I forget (Christian something) but it's in Toronto. Could somebody send me all my books please??

I miss you sister and hope you're still reading these blogs.

Hussle for Husserl

Greetings, blog.
Due to technical difficulties, my access to this page has been restricted. I will not blame the recent dearth of posts on this. It is due only to my inwardness and fixation on the aforementioned author, McLuhan. I have spent the better part of every day since that last post reading his book. The fever finally broke today on page 181. Perhaps this is a page many have trouble with. The earlier troubles in "engaging" were readily resolved almost immediately upon further perusal, only to be replaced by greater complexities. Reading McLuhan has now become an issue of memory. There's so much text that it's difficult to keep ready what has been said. There's a processing lag of about one chapter. Much like Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, the significance of the text only dawns with the keys that are found later. It's a circle with multiple entry points, none of which are perfect. I know for sure that the alphabet is very important. It's the cause of lineal thinking. It's one of the extensions of man that caused a revolution of thought.

What would McLuhan have thought about the internet? He was almost hinting at it in 1963 with his accelerated communications and the convergence of things toward information. The internet is the perfect culmination of his theory of an abstracted, unified space. McLuhan seems more and more to be a mystic. This bothers me. I don't like to deal with mysticism in my media studies. But those who leave the mystical out of their writing are pedantic documenters and sorry scribes, so I'll take what I get. This idea of media as the extensions of man's existing faculties - the senses, reason, rationality - now seems perfectly natural to me and I wonder that it wasn't obvious. It's naturalness gives it the ring of genius. I no longer doubt that this book has massive merit.

The book continues to astound me, and McLuhan astounds me with the range of his reference. I'm inspired to begin my preparation for grad studies in earnest. Tomorrow I will travel to Kyoto with Veronica and choose a book of history. I don't know nearly enough history to make a proper attack on modern communication theory. I should get a book on communication theory. I might buy one on philosophy, whether modern or ancient. Philosophy is always a difficult read for me, although the Republic was dull but straightforward. I didn't finish it. I've got to get a book of twentieth century philosophy, although I always think I should read the full publication of a work to understand it properly. I could use the survey as a jumping-off point. It is apparent to me how little educated I am and how much reading I have ahead of me.

McLuhan

I figured out how to connect my laptop to the tv for stereo music listening pleasure. It's exactly the same as how I've been watching movies from the laptop to the computer, only I listen to music, so I didn't figure it out so much as realize it all of a sudden.

I've been reading McLuhan, Understanding Media, and I have a problem with hot and cool media. How can tv be a cool medium? A cool medium is defined by McLuhan as "low definition", and "high in participation or completion by the audience". Hot media is "high definition", "well filled with data" and passively received. McLuhan says film is a hot medium and tv is a cool medium. Now, I can see that film in a movie theatre is a more immersive experience, and that film has a longer narrative than tv, but I just don't see tv as requiring so much more participation than film. Perhaps it has something to do with the advertising segments breaking up the program. If anyone has an idea on this, please post a comment. Other than this, I wonder how much the terminology of hot and cool media contribute to a real understanding of media. McLuhan seems to be weaving a very compelling theory, but is there such a thing as a "cool society" and a "hot society"? He says that tribal societies are cool societies. This is so vague and unelaborated that it's meaningless. I could be misunderstanding. He does elaborate on cool, tribal societies, but not in the direction of establishing them as such.

I am having trouble engaging with these ideas. Not that the ideas are unengaging. It's just that in engaging with them, so many problems crop up. I'm not sure that I understand properly. Is this going to be a problem for me in getting into grad school?

God 1, Nietszche 0

Tonight I went to Joshin with Monjun to buy some blank media. On the rainy way back we stopped at Mos Burger (a Japanese Burger joint) for dinner. I have discovered that MOS stands for Mountain, Ocean, Sky, which are the wide regions of this burger chain's love and benevolence. In the blessed seats of Mos Burger, what began as a casual mention that my girlfriend is Catholic turned into a discussion of religion. I actually enjoyed it, which is rare.

(flash forward to October 9th)
Inspired by this conversation with Monjun, I decided to finally bring up the subject with Veronica. Religion. I like Veronica's take on Catholicism, because she rejects so many aspects of it that I also disagree with, such as the control over sex, the condemnation of gays, and the sexism that doesn't allow women to take the same role as men in the church (clergy). It was interesting to talk about transubstantiation with her, in part because she sees it as dubious. I never knew that Catholics were the interpretive Christians. That's the best way to read the bible, unless you want to live in the 4th century B.C.

In the end I think we're similar in our general idea of "god", or the space-time-continuum, or krishna, whatever you would like to call it. The thing is, people believe things fundamentally according to the way they were raised (unless they change!). In a scientific-skeptical household like mine my sisters and I were taught to try to understand things rather than to blindly believe them. (This proved to be a problem for our early political indoctrination, but my parents have mellowed, so I really shouldn't bring that up, except who reads this anyway? Hi Cris!). Thus, I like to think of myself as rational, skeptical and scientific, even if I'm usually not all those things. Usually I'm experiential, impressionable and scientific, which is not such a bad combination. Even given Veronica's re-evaluation of her religion and her compromises she is a religious person. Instead of thinking of this as a problem, I like to see this as another interesting aspect of her. Her difference helps make her the person I'm so attracted to. May it remain as a seed of interest rather than become a kernel of discord.

Fear and loathing in Otsu

My dad called tonight. It was good to talk to him. He asked me about class and I told him about my morning class which went like this. I come into the room and Fukuhara sensei is there, as is the rest of the class. He's discussing something with one of the notorious girls. She wants to leave. He says stay. She continues to move toward the door and argue. He keeps saying sit down. (By the way I'm assuming this is what they're saying, because it's all in Japanese). Finally we have the "Hai please stand up!" and the students stand for the greeting. "good morning class-" I begin to say but Fukuhara sensei asks me to wait. The girl is in the hall and he's trying to negotiate her in. I ask her "please". She smiles for a second but it doesn't matter to her. We manage a greeting and the girl is flopped on her desk. As Fukuhara sensei begins the lesson she walks over to her other desk and flops overtop it, her butt in the air, rummaging for her books and pencils. Then as I start reading out passages, she complains to Fukuhara sensei. During the first ten minutes of class I just have to speak over her voice. The other girls are amused at her audacity, but the class is not with her on this one. So that was that.

Later today I went to Otsu due to a surprise granting of permission to get my re-entry visa immediately. By 1:00 I was finished with my business so I wandered down to the waterfront and sat on the rocks, looking out on Lake Biwa. The sky was a flat grey without any evidence of individual cloud forms, but they stood sentry against the sun. The lake, which seemed a sea, rose and fell in thousands of choppy waves. I began to feel it draw me in, in the very pit of my stomach, so I rose and walked along the waterfront. I wandered dizzy and thinking of many strange things, till I found myself in a small open amphitheatre. It was made from cut stone in the side of circular bank, and I walked up the few steps and sat at the top. It was quite empty. In the centre stood a lone tree, and concrete columns marched off from the opening of the theatre. What plays where held here, and to what drama would it one day be stage? I thought of these things as a helicopter roared in the sky, and looked for all the world like a goldfish, swimming perfectly straight, a thousand metres up in the air.

I began to feel unfixed from humanity's affairs. And so I took the train up to Ishiyama, which is quite close to Otsu, and paid Veronica a surprise visit at her school. She said I knocked her socks off with the surprise of it all. It was great to see her. She put me back on track and made me laugh. I took the mid-evening train home later, reading my latest book.

Some things

Some things that I love...
the music of Lamb
the music of Goldfrapp
the music of the spheres which appears to my ears when autumn nears

This boy's in heaaaaven and I don't know why. I just love the air today. I'm excited about going to Thailand. Beaches, jungles, temples and drugs. Raves, beauty of the movement, dark nights on jungle beaches with beats. Mike and I are going to have a time to be written of. This praise is great praise.

I'm so happy to have great people in my life. Sometimes I think of Veronica and I just smile. I can see such strength in her. I just realized now that she's only 22. I wonder how she will change with time? People change slowly around that time, if my life is true to the pattern. I've changed since I was 22, become more patient and come to know myself, my direction better. I still have so much work to do.

I'm practicing the art of not slouching during long periods in the English lessons where I'm not needed and the Japanese teacher is speaking. I was surprised to discover how little energy it requires when I think about it as important. The students should see an engaged, listening teacher instead of a slouch whose attitude they will copy.

I saw my students today in the McDonald's in Heiwado as I finished my grocery shopping. Two boys and a girl wearing their navy blue uniforms, so crisp with navy style for the girls and Mao collar and brass buttons for the boys. They called out to me, "Anthony!". I sat down with them and ate a french fry (remember when some people called them "freedom fries"?) and we talked about simple things in simple English and Japanese. I asked them if they liked school and they said "so-so". Me too, I said. But I like Japan.

I can trust these young people far enough to tell them that truth. I love telling the truth, being open, and it's a fine line to walk between truth and appearance in the fiction of teaching at Nishi Chu in Japan. I'm learning. I'm also learning that there's truth in the fiction, which is amazing.

On the subject of appearances, one word will be deleted from this post later, plus this sentence (maybe).

Growing on me

I crossed the Pacific ocean to get here, but I didn't have to swim. That's a relief. Does it even matter that it's so big? If I could fly back for 21 cents in 21 minutes, would there be any significance to being so far away from home? Toronto will always be home, at core, but I don't know if I'll live there for the rest of my days, may they be long. I bless myself. But I don't bless myself when I sneeze, because my superstition doesn't go that far. I'd feel naked without it though.

You ever notice how a conversation can be toneless or toned (or tony) on instant messenger, but it'll have a different feeling, a totally different spin in person? That's because sometimes I do want to talk to people, but I don't feel like face to face talking. It's freedom from the tyranny of the expression. I like to be able to have a face of concentration or confusion without someone thinking "what's he mean by that?". I'm tired. Hence this ludicrous antisocial rant, which is attempting to salvage itself by claiming a place for written conversations. Well, if you think about it people used to communicate over long distances by letter all the time. And written letters - epistles - were far more cogent than the careless conversations we have these days. People wrote down a sequence of ideas that moved in some direction, maybe not a conclusion, but at least it was long. There's something to be said for continuing for a while. An idea can form given enough space.

That's enough space, I say! On to the next idea. Chestnuts. I've been eating roasted, salted chestnuts. That's a thing people eat here, much like a bag of pretzels back home. I can't say I love them, nor can I say I hate them. They're growing on me. Their taste is growing on me, not the chestnuts. Chestnuts, however, are hardly an idea. It's random like my conversations. Why do people find random conversations so disturbing? And yet many people like them too.

Hmm. I'm afraid this entry is not too concrete. But I really didn't feel like writing a concrete entry today. So that's it.

Nick and the Escape hatch

Feeling encouraged by my last journal entry to address the situation with Nick, I went ahead and asked him about it today.
"Nick, how are we doing? You're not annoyed with me or something are you?" I asked. Nick looked up with a quizzical expression.
"I've just noticed that you haven't been very talkative lately," I added.
"Oh, that's just because it's morning. I'm not a morning person," he responded matter-of-factly.
I was about to pursue it further, but Goi sensei glided towards Nick - he doesn't seem to take steps, he glides - and then leaned his expressionless face toward him and started talking about something in Japanese. This is not a racial generalization. Goi sensei truly keeps his expression flat most of the time, and he bends at the waist rather than curving his body toward the seated Nick. He's tall and slim and his hair is spiked, and he wears a dress t-shirt and tie every day.
After a while they finished talking. Nick was looking at his papers on the desk in front of him. I spoke.
"Uh, Nick. I just wanted to make sure there's no problem between us. You seem to be quiet with me most of the time."
"Yeah, as I said that's just morning. I'm not a morning person".
"No. Actually you do it in the afternoon, too. I'll say something to you and you don't reply. Or you'll say 'What? Sorry I didn't hear..." and I explained the situation. He reacted at first with surprise. Then he admitted that he had been worried about being too closely associated with me because he thought I was going to explode! He talked about my angry reaction to trying to get my couch delivered, and he said that some of the teachers had asked him if I was unhappy. I was unhappy. I was very frustrated with the lack of help from my tantosha, the general bad attitude of the school, and being unable to speak the native language. Nick knew all this, but he was trying to maintain the easy truce he had established with Nishi Chugakko, our Junior High. He was maintaining a zero-energy-expenditure policy, and the volatile new foreign teacher was making waves.
BUT the good news is that I had given in. I was in zero-energy mode myself, and Nick saw this. It was ok. We were two lazy gaijin together, because the school was too big to fight. He didn't have to worry that I would try to change the system, to make things better (to make things right!).
I don't love this solution. I don't love to slip unnoticed into the corners. Today I actually escaped from the principal's extended speech in the gym by slipping out the window! I was shocked that I actually did this, but I was tired and it was past 4. We had the culture show today. The kids put on FOUR different plays, each with elaborate sets and costumes. There were art displays, and a darkened classroom filled with painted lanterns (one was mine!). They take their culture show very seriously here. I was generally impressed - only the extended speech at the end was unnecessary for me, as I couldn't understand a word and the principal is generally recognized as being full of hot air anyway. I used this as a justification, and then slipped out. Only two people saw me do it, I think. Yasuda sensei, who can be trusted as she's a part-time teacher and dating Goi sensei, and someone who saw me walk by the window. Maybe it was a student. I'll find out in the next couple of weeks if I caused a scandal.